


half-empty, half-full

by fractalsin



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: (that are gone really quickly), Anal Sex, Canon Divergence, Dark fic, Emotional Manipulation, Gaslighting, KagaKuro and AkaKuro side pairs, Kaijou!Kuroko, M/M, Overprotective Tendencies, Sex Toys, everyone is useless, implied pet play, jersey kink, teikou
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-28
Updated: 2019-05-28
Packaged: 2020-03-20 20:23:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18999862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fractalsin/pseuds/fractalsin
Summary: Kise and Kuroko begin a relationship founded on a lie. When pent-up frustrations begin to surface, the situation gets out of hand and results in a contractual loyalty that can only suffice because they give each other what they need. However, what they need is not necessarily what is best for them, as Kuroko begins to realize later on.





	half-empty, half-full

**Author's Note:**

> I’m all for the Respect Kuroko Tetsuya’s Rights 2k19 Campaign, but this fic is not it. Remember all those kikuro yandere doujinshis from the 2013-2014 era? Those doujins are saying hello from the darkness again. 
> 
> **Warnings include underage sex, dubious content (bordering on non-con), and a very toxic relationship.** (Plus badly written sex, because I can't write sex let's be honest lol). Kise is your textbook abusive boyfriend. The best thing I like about this fic is that there’s no pretense or purple prose from me and it’s 69% sex, so I chugged out words at a much faster rate. This fic was written about a month ago? It's up for publication after clean up! 
> 
> Above everything, this is a fic centered around Kuroko and Kise(‘s really bad relationship), so other characters may not get the screentime they deserve. In fact, the alternative title is "Everyone is Useless: The Fanfic".  
> Lastly, I highly recommend listening to the song "I Beg You" from FSN Heavens Feel for this fic. It’s a beautiful song that sums up the dynamic perfectly. Twisted stuff. :")

The red-haired male makes the mistake of grabbing for the handle of the convenience store refrigerator the same time as another person, and his warm hands feel under them the sensation of cold fingers curled around the same handle as he is. He whirls around at their owner, whom he swears he hadn’t seen moments before.

_How long has he been there?_

“Uh, sorry.” He says, retracting his hand. The smaller male does the same.

“Go ahead.” The blue haired male is wearing a white t-shirt inside an unbuttoned, long-sleeved checkered shirt that looks at least a size bigger than how his clothes should be, and in his other arm are an indeterminate amount of popsicle sticks.

“Sure, thanks.” Kagami decides not to pay it mind too much, opening the refrigerator and grabbing a bottle of coke and an orange juice tetrapack. It’s an odd combination to anyone, sure, but it still strikes Kagami just as odd that the other male is carrying that large amount of popsicle sticks. He looks like he could drop at any moment, more on the gaunt side than anything. “That’s an awful lot of popsicle sticks.” He blurts out.

“For reserve.” The boy says curtly. When he sees that Kagami’s done, having made way for him to grab a drink, he also reaches for a bottle of mocha-flavoured drink. Kagami then notices that the guy has an ID of a nearby college. _I thought he couldn’t be more than high school..._

When he closes the fridge, two popsicle packs drop out of his arm. Kagami bends down to reach for them just as he does, and Kagami’s simply faster.

“They’re all orange-flavored.” Kagami remarks, giving him the popsicle sticks, when he gets an idea, “Give me half of those.”

“I’m sorry?”

“I’ll help you take them to the counter.”

He is quick to refuse, and Kagami can tell he would be flailing his hands if any of them had been available. Instead, he shakes his head. “You don’t have to.”

“What’s the hurry? It’s no big deal, you know.”

Blue eyes blink up at him. They’re paired with dark eyebags, typical of any college student, but Kagami can differentiate healthy from unhealthy easily. He insists, till eventually, Blue Boy in a blue, oversized checkered shirt and blue pants, consents.

They pay for their stuff at the same time in opposite counters. The lady behind the counter seems to know him, because she says, “Hello, Kuroko-san.” A small smile graces those initially stoic features. “Your bruise is all healed.” She notices, scanning the barcodes, “Really, you should be more careful!”

Despite the upbeat nature of a half of the conversation, Kagami can’t help but think as he pockets his own change that there’s a cautiousness about Kuroko when he doesn’t answer, only offering a simple ‘thank you’. Kagami walks over to him, hoping Kuroko won’t find it weird he’s striking up a conversation.

“Do you frequent this place a lot?” It’s a stupid question in retrospect; people go to convenience stores all the time, but Kagami prefers it over ‘do you live around here?’. He has no intentions of being creepy. “The staff know you and stuff.”

“I come only once a week. Ah, I don’t... I don’t think I know your name.”

“Oh, it’s Kagami. Kagami Taiga. I go to Kansai University.”

“Kagami-kun...” Kuroko murmurs, “Thank you for earlier, Kagami-kun.”

“You’re not going home yet?”

Kuroko eyes the door, looks back at him again. “Yes, I think I’m about to.”

“Alright.” Kagami says, already heading for the door. “See you around, Kuroko.”

When Kagami walks out, he encounters a blond haired male with a small silver earring in his left ear. He looks fairly fashionable, though his eyes are slightly obscured by his bangs within Kagami’s view. Kagami has to look back once at the blond male, who enters the convenience store and walks up to Kuroko.

Maybe that’s how it is, Kagami muses, switching his focus to the stoplight.

From inside, Kuroko no longer watches Kagami cross the street. Instead, he greets Kise, who looks down at the plastic bag and back at him.

“Maybe not tonight.” He says, reaching for Kuroko’s hand and giving it a forceful tug. “Let’s go.” 

* * *

 

 _Since when was it?_ …

* * *

 

“They’ll wonder where we are,” Kuroko rasps in between kisses, needy as Kise slides firm hands across the back of his thighs, “K-Kise-kun...” Upon reaching the buttcheeks, Kise pulls down Kuroko’s jersey shorts. Kuroko had not agreed to meeting with Kise after a match for once. This match is different. Kuroko had chosen to be left behind, and it was Kise who came back for him.

Kise stares down at Kuroko, who looks at him with wide eyes, “I already told them I would take care of it, Kurokocchi.” He assures, before moving down to kiss him again, teasingly brushing his lips against his neck. This makes Kuroko groan as Kise plants kisses on his collarbone. They smell of sweat and bitter victory. When Kise smashes their lips together, his tongue teases inside. Kise wants to feel good, he wants to enjoy this, but it‘s hard.

It is their third consecutive year of being champions of the basketball middle school division, and Kise Ryouta cannot care less.    

He slams Kuroko against the locker, pinning him against it and deepening the kiss. They pay no mind to time. Kise’s thoughts race in his mind as he continues to kiss Kuroko while removing his own shorts. He feels Kuroko drag him closer in a hazy series of push and pull.

Worthless _worthless_ and so god damn _pathetic_ -

Kise still has his hand gripping Kuroko’s hair, and before he realizes it, he’s pulled too hard. “Kise-kun, that hurts... You’re...”

“Doesn’t it feel good, Kurokocchi?” Kise’s hot breath fans against Kuroko’s ear. “Suck me off.”

Kuroko nods hastily, getting down on his knees fast as Kise positions himself, pulling down the garter of his brief and exposing his member. He holds on to one of the locker’s handles. When Kuroko holds Kise’s member, it’s hard.

Kuroko pops Kise’s dick into his mouth. He has grown to become more experienced, as Kise has taught him a few things. He lingers in the tip for a while, making popping noises with his mouth like he is having one of his favorite treats. Kise jerks his hips in pleasure at the thought of coming on Kuroko’s face, soaked in him while wearing only his jersey. Kuroko won’t allow his jersey to be spoiled. As expected, Kuroko stops for a moment before discarding his jersey to the bench.

Kise places his hands on Kuroko’s shoulders and began to mirror his movements, the gradual in and out till Kise is at the height of passion as Kuroko explores the full-length of his cock.

“Y-yesss.... just like that, oh, _Kurokocchi_ -“

Kise entertains himself with the thought. Maybe soon when their basketball matches as players of the Teikou basketball club ae over, he can finally put the jersey to good use. The way it loosely clings to Kuroko’s frame is something Kise has always loved. The pleasure sears through his veins as he feels heat swell up in his stomach.

Kuroko continues to suck, saliva and cum dripping down his chin. Kise brings a hand to the chin and strokes it. “So beautiful, Kurokocchi. I love it when you’re so good.” Kuroko lets out a willing moan, pulling Kise’s dick out of his mouth where it has lodged in his throat. His cheeks are tinged a shade of red as Kise sighs in contentment.

The command is uttered in a deeper voice, the husky voice that makes Kuroko always get on his knees. “Swallow.”

Kuroko gulps, ingesting the salty taste. Kise has all sorts of flavoured lube, but he hadn’t used them this time. This, what they had just done, had been needy, and this was something that both of them had neither scheduled nor anticipated. Kuroko wipes his mouth with the back of his hand and looks up at Kise, who is already pulling up his brief and reaching for his shorts.

“Did you think about him?”

Kise can feel the way Kuroko is trembling after falling back against his chest.

Kuroko shakes his head in response anyway. Kise smiles faintly before joining Kuroko in helping each other gather their own bearings.

* * *

 

When Kise first met Kuroko Tetsuya, they had only been second year in middle school.

Things had been quite different at the time. For one, Kise was only starting at basketball, and all things considered, it was Kuroko who had been in the Teikou basketball club since his first year. It was here in this time that he learned about Kuroko’s role as a phantom sixth man, which he had called bullshit on until he’d seen Kuroko’s abilities with his own eyes. This was the normal reaction, they said.  

After that, Kise began to actively try and notice the blue-haired boy. During classes and after classes, he’d always hang out with the Generation of Miracles, which Kise had joined around that time. Otherwise, no one actually disliked him (though this was partly because he had such a low presence that most people simply knew him only in passing). He was reserved, didn’t talk much unless important, and always seemed to willingly stay in the shadows.

Kise understood this substantially, but he did not embody such a desire. Never once did.

To say the least, it had been convenient to meet someone who didn’t seem to mind everything that Kise did. When Kuroko had called him out, had told him he liked his real smile better, it had been rather _convenient_ by then that Kise had already taken a liking to him by then. It had been convenient that someone like that was just around, and just right around the corner.

Thus was the spark. Kise began to count.

* * *

 

_One._

During practices, Kise catches Kuroko looking sometimes.

Despite Kuroko getting significantly better in endurance training, his body is still not quite as strong as theirs. It does not help that Nijimura, Akashi, and Momoi’s formulated training regimen is actually quite ruthless. More often than not, someone is forced to retch in the nearest trash bin.

Kise turns off the fountain and heads back into the gym, a towel over his face. It is then he sees Kuroko, drinking from a water jug before intently looking at Aomine.

This doesn’t strike him as surprising. He is very well aware of the complicated relationship between the two blue-haired boys. Maybe, just maybe, what is occupying Kuroko’s thoughts is how Aomine has blossomed into a very talented player. That’s equally plausible, Kise thinks.

Then Kuroko looks at Akashi, and there’s something that hadn’t been there earlier. The slight bobbing of the Adam’s apple, a swallow, and a great deal of admiration. Kise cannot read people well, but he can read gazes. He can read the presence and absence of need because _he recognizes this look Kuroko has very well_.

“Kurokocchi!”

Kuroko turns his way with a blank stare. Empty, but not quite. There’s always something on Kuroko’s mind. Just as Kise is about to ask if he can sit beside him, water break is over.

After a few more sets, they’re all near collapsing, but the thought of going home appeases them all. Kuroko is nice enough to follow-up with Kise the moment practice ends.

“Kise-kun?”

Kise turns around and slings his sports bag on his shoulder. “Oh, hi Kurokocchi! Did I keep you all waiting?”

“No, I waited for you because no one else would.”

Kise laughs this off easily, because he knows the rest only partly mean that. “Thanks, thanks.” They begin to walk side by side. “I really appreciate it, Kurokocchi.”

The gym has yet to be emptied, but that’s only because there are players in the first string who are assigned to clean their gymnasium. Kise looks back to being one of those people with a strange nostalgia. He looks away as soon as they reach the door. 

Apparently, Akashi, as usual, has business to deal with at home. They don’t hang out in the convenience store because they have exams coming up, but they do walk home together as always. Kise talks to all of them, and Kuroko may not know, but Kise is always looking at him all the while, paying attention.

It is Aomine and Momoi who separate from them first, then Murasakibara. After a while, Midorima separates from them too, but not without asking Kise, “Wasn’t your house in the corner we passed a while ago?”

Kise, again, laughs this off. “Oh my god, you’re right Midorimacchi. Why only point it out now though?”

Midorima huffs, before bidding the both of them goodbye. In retrospect, it is a mistake that seems very like him to make, and deep down, Midorima probably does have a knack for pranking miserable souls from their homes. However, it is anything but a mistake.

Kuroko sighs. “Kise-kun, please pay more attention next time.”

* * *

_Two._

During lunch, Kuroko will sometimes turn around to peek over his shoulder. He’s come to stop doing it, but one time, Kise brings up the time to ask him why that is, albeit away from the lunch table.

Kuroko seems to contemplate answering, before scooping up a small portion of rice using his chopsticks. “It’s because of Haizaki-kun.”

“Haizaki? Why?”

“Well, he used to take lunch from some of the team members, though he did it with me more often.”

“That does sound like him,” Kise says, feeling mild irritation well up, “But he can’t bother you anymore, right? Murasakibaracchi will show him a piece of his mind if ever he steals more food from anyone because he’s a living food warrior, and Haizaki doesn’t come to practice anymore.”

“Ah... Kise-kun, didn’t you hear?”

“About what?”

 “Akashi-kun, he kicked Haizaki-kun out.”

“Ahh...” Kise trails off, “And Kurokocchi, you care about this?”

In the same way that he always has been, Kise thinks that it would be way more convenient if Kuroko did not stick his nose into other people’s business. There it is again, signs of the inability to let go of things that are fated to become nothing but irrelevant history.

“I am conflicted.” Kuroko admits, “We spoke briefly after he left, or rather, was made to leave...”

“There are just some times that we don’t need to bother, Kurokocchi.”

“That’s a very convenient way to put it, Kise-kun.”

Kise is glad Kuroko understands. He decides to ignore the slight disapproval that drips into Kuroko’s voice.

* * *

 

_Three._

Kise waves in greeting half-heartedly. Not that he can see, because he’s lying on the grass.

“Hey, Aominecchi.”

Aomine sounds like he’s been disturbed from his slumber, because there’s a slight drawl to his voice. “What?” He side-eyes Kise, who smiles.

“You don’t come to practice anymore.”

“Go away, Kise.”

“Uwa, despicable.” Kise’s eyes narrow, akin to a predator eyeing prey. “Sanada-san can be quite efficient sometimes.”

“I don’t see you talking to Murasakibara.” Aomine clicks his tongue irritably, “Did Tetsu send you here?”

 “What, like I don’t have an independent brain on my shoulders?”

“I was just checking.”

“You’re an asshole.”

“Takes one to know one.” Aomine says, not making any move to get up. Kise does not see how those eyes turn into pensive ice, or at least, the embodiment of it. “I know how you feel about Tetsu, you know.”

Kise scoffs. “Like you care?”

“Sure I do.” There is a short pause, and less of a drawl in the words that follow. “Don’t do stupid shit.”

“You may have wanted to say that before all this,” He gestures to a small space, sliding his finger across it, but really, what he means is this mess, “Before all _this_ happened.”

And before Aomine can say anything, Kise is already turning on his heel, walking away.

* * *

 

_Three._

Kuroko feels his heart like leaden weights on his chest, forcing him to gravitate stronger towards the ground. Present there is the weariness of adolescence, the herculean task of carrying a burden that no one is aware of. If there is anyone who is aware of it, they are people who are unwilling to look back and pick up the pieces. Kuroko is left with remnants that pick at his soul like pointed shards of glass. He is left with only shadows of yesterday, yestermonths, yesteryears.

He never puts it into words because no one asks. Maybe instead of thinking about what could have been done better, he should improve his grades. He can do better, even if no one cares. However, it grows hard to anticipate a future when the immediate view of it is bleak.

Kuroko begins to be resigned that just because he wants to make a difference, doesn’t mean he always can. It also does not help when he remembers days in Hawaiian beaches, stamp rallies full of laughter, and victory dinners after matches.

Ogiwara is looking forward to their next championship reunion. Kuroko says he is looking forward to it as well, and for once, he is not lying to himself.

* * *

 

_Two._

Kuroko does not consciously realize he intensely likes Akashi Seijuurou until he is gone.

It happens one afternoon, when Murasakibara challenges Akashi to a deciding match, a challenge of power and a question to authority. Akashi does not take well to this slight, this form of defiance, and his frame rigidifies as he holds up a finger.

“One on one. The player who gets five basket counts first wins the match.”

And it’s a pathetic fall, almost. Almost, because Akashi had promised that he would never lose. Four points and something in him breaks. Kuroko can feel himself break too, in time with the sound of the basketball beating against the gym floor before bouncing back into Akashi’s hand as he is ready to deliver judgement to all who oppose him.

Someone needs to hold them together, but again, it is words that break Kuroko the most. It is words that he will remember because the moment they are spoken, they are betrayed and unwilling to ever return.

When Akashi’s eyes circle the gymnasium, they are not quite the same. Kuroko has never seen the kindness leave Aomine’s eyes, but for Akashi’s, it seems as if they have been hollowed out.

That night, Kuroko enters his home’s bathroom stall after dinner. With a strong intake of breath, he brings his hands down to his cock and presses it between his two hands. He remembers the way Akashi once looked at him, how the captain looks at him now. No longer is Kuroko a discovery nor an intriguing puzzle that has presented itself. An expired investment. Akashi has conquered him, and he has lost, so he lets himself revel in the defeat because he wants to feel something, anything to keep his grief and unsatisfied cravings company, anything to convince him that he has the right to _feel._

Kuroko moans his name, because a name is all he has.

* * *

 

 _One._      

It is the first time he and Akashi have interacted since the change. When Akashi sends his messenger bird to the person who has retreated into his own walls, then it is the bird who comes back to a definitive surprise. There is a new message to be delivered, but this one will reach no one but him.

“Do you have something to tell me?”

In place of a red iris is one that is gold. Kuroko sees it clearly for the first time, and it stares at him like it is splicing his soul into distinguishable layers. He cannot look at it for more than a moment, but he finds himself frozen in place.

“Who are you?”

Akashi smiles with widened eyes, bringing a hand to his chest, as if to introduce himself one more time.

“I am Akashi Seijuurou, obviously... Tetsuya.”

Kuroko is numb at the conclusion of practice. Akashi had sent everyone home. The skies are grey unlike the first day he joined and did try-outs.

Kuroko fails to realize it, but Kise does not. Kise notices the change in Kuroko’s eyes, that have become stormy greys and cloudy resolve. In the male’s restroom, he wraps his Teikou jacket around Kuroko and hugs him from behind. His hair is still a bit wet from the rain.

The rain begins with a drizzle, but now it’s pouring down. There’s the sound of pattering raindrops and water pipes, but all Kuroko wants to hear is Kise whisper sweet assurances while carding fingers through his hair, asking him what happened. He is especially gentle, and Kuroko basks in the warmth of someone who has yet to leave him. Kise is a bright, bright light, and this muted radiance is one he can stand beside.

Kise has always been there to console, but Kuroko does not need to be consoled because he never truly will be.

“I love you, Kurokocchi.”

It is the last thing he expects to hear, as if no heartbreak can ever be enough.

Kuroko initiates the kiss, and there are no words exchanged. Kise does not see the lone tear that trails down Kuroko’s cheek, as they kiss for the very first time. When they break away, it is gone, and Kise’s gold irises are vastly different. They contain promises. They contain something Kuroko recognizes in himself.

So he dares to forget.

* * *

 

At first, Kise does simple things. In fact, it seems as if nothing has changed, only that they’re more intimate and Kuroko becomes more accustomed to Kise’s touch. Kuroko’s grandmother has met him, but only as a friend.  

Kuroko also learns more about Kise, like how he’s into karaoke and how he’s thinking of quitting modelling once he’s in college. He learns that Kise likes amusement parks but hates clowns, how Kise actually knows a lot of things about music and fashion and how meticulous he is with his looks.

They don’t hold hands just yet. Even married couples don’t often do that. Kuroko is unwilling to try things with Kise in his own home, and when he explains it’s out of respect for his grandmother, Kise invites Kuroko over to his own house one weekend. Kuroko becomes all too conscious that they’re only sixteen.

He learns that Kise is exactly what he imagined him to be during sex, rough and passionate, skilled even though they’re both just starting. Kise blatantly makes Kuroko feel that he has more to catch up on, but Kuroko lets his fear get the better of him. Friends don’t do this in each other’s houses, but that’s not even what they are.

Kuroko begins to show signs of distress. “Kise-kun, this is wrong.”

“It’s normal to want to try things.” Kise says, devil-may-care, as they enter his bedroom. Upon entering, Kise locks the door.

Kise winks. “I put up the ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign, if you know what I mean.” His joking tone dissipates when he sees Kuroko still uneasy, slightly on edge.

“Are you nervous?”

Kuroko nods. “I’m sorry,” He whispers, looking at Kise worriedly. “I don’t think I know what to do on my own.”

“Just do what you always do, Kurokocchi.” Kise tells him, bumping their foreheads against each other. When Kuroko’s breathing has evened, Kise takes off his shirt and leaves it on the floor of his bedroom. He strokes his thumb across Kuroko’s lower lip teasingly, and Kuroko parts them, his breathing having a slight tremor to it. “I’m going to try a few things.”

“What things?”

Kise doesn’t answer, only pressing a finger to his lips. “I’ll tell you if you’re ready.”  

Kise holds out two of his fingers, and Kuroko knows what to do. He sucks on them, popping them into his small mouth. Kise pulls Kuroko’s hair, eliciting a whining noise as Kuroko continues to suck. Kise can feel the sensation of Kuroko’s tongue exploring every inch of his finger. He adds a third and begins to teasingly pull it back. It sends a jolt through his body as he sees Kuroko chase it.

Kise uses the very same fingers to point to his right nipple, and Kuroko latches himself onto it quickly, and as Kuroko gives it a good lick, feeling the hardened lump against his tongue, Kise uses both of his hands to hold Kuroko’s buttcheeks and push them up to hoist Kuroko and guide his movements. When his nipple is wet enough, Kise unclasps Kuroko’s belt and unzips his pants. With a strong tug, he pulls them down, and Kuroko helps him in the process.

Kise tugs down at Kuroko’s underwear and tells him to face the wall. Kuroko obeys, placing both his hands in front of him, his back arched slightly such that his butt is jutting towards Kise. Kuroko hears Kise unclasp his belt too. It happens very suddenly, and Kuroko feels himself going hard when Kise gives his cock a teasing squeeze, rubbing against a sensitive spot. Kise, still wearing his brief, brushes his bulge against Kuroko’s ass. Kise feels Kuroko’s cock become more erect.

“Kise-kunnnn-“ Kuroko moans, and he’s surprised when Kise brings his hand down and slaps the middle of his buttcheeks.

“Spanking feels good like this, I’ve heard.” Kise says, asserting his experience. He tries it again, “I’m spanking you till your ass is red,” He holds on to the right buttcheek, kneading the plump skin, “You want that, Kurokocchi? Huh?”

Kise leans in and whispers in his ear, “I’m sure you know how this works, Kurokocchi.” Kuroko nods, face flushed. He seems to scramble for the words. “I’ll be telling you things that’ll make you feel good. Is that alright?”

“I...” He swallows, his throat dry all of a sudden. He wants to suck cock again, feel his mouth wet, but he’s already pleasurable as he feels his cock twitch as he tells Kise he wants it. When Kise lets go, he breathes out, “Oh, I want it so bad, Kise-kun. I’ll be so good for you.” Kise smiles, and Kuroko doesn’t see it. “I’ve been bad, and I want you to punish me.”

Kise brings his hand down harder this time. “That’s right, Kurokocchi. It’s not enough that you’re such a whore for me.” This time, the spanks come faster. Three of them, consecutively. “You’re such a little slut that you go looking at others. You’ve been so, so bad and you think you can get away with it?” Another one, and Kuroko can feel his ass vibrate against the strength.

“Kise-kun-“

“You’re such a slut, Kurokocchi. Do you want me inside you?”

_“Yes-“_

“Then you’ll have to beg for it, okay?”

Kise keeps spanking to make the words leave Kuroko. It is difficult to speak in the middle of the pleasure, but somehow, Kuroko manages it blindly. “Kise-kun, I want you tight inside me. Please fuck me, Kise-kun. No one else can do it but you. I want you, so please- aah!“ His breathing becomes ragged. Kise says “Shh,” cradling him in his arms before slowly untangling from him. There’s lube in one of the drawers in the cabinet. Kise uncaps it, and all Kuroko can see is his own desire as Kise applies the lube on his fingers and his own cock.

Kise positions himself and begins to enter. It’s slow and careful, but Kuroko cannot help but moan at how good it feels as he begins to ride Kise. One of Kise’s hands is glued to his waist, while the other is pinning his two hands on top of his head. He’s forced to rub against the wall to ease the delirious pleasure that has begun to course through him.

“Haaaaaa-aa-a-! Kise-kun!”

 “Hold still, Kurokocchi.” Kise commands, beginning to thrust harder, “Oh, it’s so tight inside of you, Kurokocchi. Don’t come until I tell you to, okay?”

Hopelessly, Kuroko nods. The feeling of Kise’s cock inside of him makes him warm inside, and he keeps on moaning. Kise, however, gives his butt a good smack. “Your response?”

Kuroko nods vigorously, desperately, but Kise smacks down again, demanding a verbal response. “Yes, Kise-kun. You make me feel so good-“

Kise breathes into his ear, seeing the blush surge through Kuroko’s face as he is no longer trying to keep his composure. The movements have settled into a rhythm that Kuroko begins to realize makes his insides knot together and feel hot, searing pleasure. “I love it when you talk like this, Kurokocchi. Give in to it. Yes.”

They keep going for a while longer. Kuroko feels like he will never tire until he does, and even if his thighs are aching, he feels his pleasure peak as he moans more loudly than before, “Oh, please let me, Kise-kun, _please_ -“

Kise slowly pulls out, his cock leaving Kuroko’s ass very wet. When Kise turns him around and pins him against the wall, his face is one of urges being held back, but coming in strong waves. He’s not even sure if Kuroko is thinking at this moment in time, only letting things happen as they are.

“Come on me.”

Kuroko places his hands on Kise’s sides, heavy breathing as slowly, torturously, he finally releases all over Kise. He lets out a sharp, strained gasp as he sees Kise bathing in his cum. Kise himself is unfazed by this, sliding their bodies against each other as they exchange a heated kiss. Kuroko reciprocates it, before bending down to lick across Kise’s chest with his tongue.

Kise cradles the back of Kuroko’s head as he keeps licking while bending down and standing upright again till his tongue has explored the expanse of Kise’s chest. “So dirty, Kurokocchi.”

Kuroko shakes his head, and keeps doing it until he leans back against the wall breathlessly, finally hearing the sound of the electric fan and feeling its artificial wind against the beads of sweat dropping down his back. The pleasure blocking off the sound hasn’t been fully gone yet, but he’s more aware of what’s happening around him as Kise bites into his collarbone.

“Kise-kun-!”

“Just leaving my mark, Kurokocchi.”

Kise offers to help him shower, and Kuroko somehow finds the strength in him to refuse. He’s already abused Kise’s kindness too much, but Kise insists. They touch each other more, memorizing each line and curve of the other’s bodies.

Kise is convinced that given time, Kuroko will forget about Akashi. He promises to make sure of that.

* * *

On the day of their third year championships, the last thing Kuroko expects is to be knocked out by a hit to the head.

It had been an accident, and amidst profuse apologies from the other team, the Generation of Miracles continued to play to win. He remembers frantic voices around him, but they have all faded in the background as he opens his eyes, revealing the bare grey ceiling of the infirmary.

“Kurokocchi!”/ “Tetsu-kun!”

Kuroko straightens himself, feeling a slight dizzy spell. His head lolls back as he places a hand on his temple. Gathering his state of mind, he remembers that he they’re currently playing their finals match against Meikou.

“Here, Kurokocchi, some water.”

Kuroko accepts the glass gratefully, drinking it down in one go. He breathes out audibly, “I need to go... I can play...”

Momoi’s eyes soften; she’s apologetic. “Tetsu-kun, I’m sorry, but I hardly think-“    

“Kurokocchi, we’ll take care of it, okay?” Kise assures him, a hand on his stomach, blocking his way to stand up. Kuroko feels the tiredness come over him. He has to play, his mind is screaming to, but somehow, his body only continues to disagree.

“Please give it...” Kuroko leans back against the pillow, already feeling sleepiness take over. Every single one of his bones and muscles feel weary, as if rendered heavier than usual. “Please tell everyone to give it their all.”

“Got it, Tetsu-kun.” She turns to Kise, “Ki-chan, if Akashi-kun needs something, just tell me and I’ll be there at the stadium.”

“Roger that.”

This is the last thing Kuroko hears before he falls asleep. He wakes up much, much later, frustrated at himself that the match is already over according to Kise.

“Who won?”

It seems useless to ask, but he does anyway. Kise gives him one of those knowing smiles. “You were out of it for really long, Kurokocchi, but Teikou won. One hundred eleven points. Also, Kurokocchi,” Kise holds out Kuroko’s phone, “You have a text message.”

Kuroko takes it.

“The sender ID says it’s Ogiwara-kun.”

Kuroko feels his head throb as he reads what’s displayed on his phone screen. It’s a simple message, only one sentence.

**_You weren’t there._ **

Kuroko’s lips part, and his throat is dry once more as he types back a reply. He’s almost reluctant to click send.

“Kise-kun, where are the others?”

“They’re waiting at the lobby, I think.”

Ogiwara does reply, but it’s a text Kuroko wished he never received.

 ** _I don’t think I want to talk for a while. Sorry._**  

He doesn’t tell anyone, not even Kise. Especially not Kise, because Kise will tell him that Ogiwara’s not worth it, but he is. It’s not as if Kuroko had wanted to get hurt though, and while he understands that Ogiwara himself is hurt, he wonders if he deserves this silent treatment. A condemning voice in his head says that he does.

Without resolution and with conflicting feelings, he knows that basketball will never be the same.

* * *

 

After three-peat championships, entrance exams are right around the corner, and there is talk of high school. People have begun sending their application forms to different institutions. The Generation of Miracles all have plans to go to high schools with a strong basketball background.

As if by unspoken and unwritten contract, Kuroko applies in schools that Kise has applied in. However, there is one thing that he has to admit to Kise. He does so as they’re walking home from basketball practice.   

“I don’t think I’ll be joining basketball in high school, Kise-kun.”

“Eh?” Kise’s only pretending to be startled, but for the most part, he is hopeful. “But Kurokocchi, you love basketball.” He points out.

“That’s...”

“You don’t anymore?”

“It’s not that,” Kuroko says, shaking his head. “I need time.”

“Kurokocchi, I don’t know about you, but I’ve always valued the times we played basketball together.”

“You were always looking at Aomine-kun.” Kuroko points out, “Everyone else only had eyes on the prize. Maybe that wasn’t the case once, but it certainly is now. Even in high school, in college, I will fade into normalcy. I will get into a normal school, get a normal job, and live out what’s expected of me.”

“I can’t believe you would think I would look at anyone but you, Kurokocchi.” Kise says, standing in front of his path, “I stayed in the basketball club because of you.”

Kuroko smiles wistfully. “You’re only telling me that because that’s what I want to hear...”

“When I said ‘I love you’ to you after Akashicchi changed, after Aominecchi abandoned you, did you really think I told you that because that’s what you wanted to hear?” Kise scoffs, “It couldn’t have been.”

Kise reaches for his hand, gripping it firmly. “Come with me to Kaijou High.”

“You make deciding sound so easy, Kise-kun.”

“But it is, isn’t it?” Kise presses, not about to let go of Kuroko’s hand. This is a daring public display, and now, in the middle of the streets, a few passers-by glance their way. Kise’s face scrunches up to show disappointment. “You know, ever since receiving those texts from Ogiwara-kun, you’ve been acting weirdly, Kurokocchi.”

“Ogiwara-kun has nothing to do with this.” It is too late before he realizes he’s come off as too defensive. When Kise answers, it’s, to some extent, heated and angry.

“Yes he does. He has everything to do with it. If you were to go with one of the others to high school, you wouldn’t join the team either. Don’t let me stop you from going to Rakuzan, but do you seriously think Akashicchi will care if you’re not a player in his team? Not this Akashicchi, and I’m sorry to say this, Kurokocchi, but you have to look at your options.”

Kuroko’s voice has raised now, sccared that he’ll drown in his own desperation. “I am looking-“

“Then look closer,” Kise says, his eyes pleading, and when Kuroko sees this, he has to stop himself from getting angry, “Or was it a lie when you reciprocated my feelings for you? All this time? I must admit, Kurokocchi, you had me fooled.”

“That was never my intention, Kise-kun, and you know that.”

“I...” Kise opens his mouth to speak, only to close it back again. He sighs with exasperation, “I’ll talk when you’re ready to talk, Kurokocchi. Goodbye for now.”

“Kise-kun-“

But Kise’s hand slips away from his grasp, and he’s left hanging once more. The voices in his head come back to condemn him. _He’s leaving you, and it’s all your fault-_

Kuroko runs after him, clinging to the hem of his shirt. “I’m sorry, Kise-kun.” When Kise finally turns to face him, Kuroko says, ”I’ll consider it, playing with you at Kaijou High.”

Kise shakes his head. “No, it’s my fault for lashing out at you like that, Kurokocchi, but I had... good intentions. And it can be any school, as long as we’re together.” His smile is wide, all teeth and crinkled eyes, “Thank you for considering it, Kurokocchi.”

If there is anything Kise doesn’t lack, it’s commitment.

And above everything, Kuroko knows this smile is real.

* * *

 

The Generation of Miracles are all summoned by Akashi on the day of their graduation. They stand in a circle, and it seems straight out of an imagined military meeting. In this scenario, Kise and Kuroko are standing next to each other. Beside Kise is Midorima, and beside Kuroko is Murasakibara. Aomine is present as well, though he shows clear signs of disinterest.

“Thank you for coming. This is our last official day as Teikou’s players. I’m sure some of you have already realized by now, but we are united by circumstance once again. Inevitably, there will be more encounters in the court.”

“Don’t talk in riddles, Aka-chin,” Murasakibara says, “Mine-chin and Kise-chin won’t understand.”

“And what does Akashi mean then?” Aomine asks Murasakibara pointedly. Murasakibaara does not dignify him with an answer because Akashi speaks immediately.

“Atsushi is going to Yosen High. Daiki was scouted by Touou, Shintarou is going to Shuutoku, whereas Ryouta and Tetsuya are going to Kaijou High.” His eyes stop at where Kise and Kuroko are standing, and he schools a look of appraisal. “I myself am going to Rakuzan High. None of us actually chose schools that are the same as each other, with the exception of Tetsuya and Ryouta.”

It is no surprise Akashi knows this beforehand, because he’d asked Kise about it. Kise had been more than happy to disclose the fact that he and Kuroko are going to the same school. The initial time Akashi had been told of this, however, had defied considerable expectations.

“It does not matter. If I am to be frank, the five of us would never bypass the thrill of the challenge to see what would happen if we were to face each other on opposite sides of the court. In this, there is no lack of competition.”  

Akashi’s eyes never leave Kuroko as he speaks. It reminds Kuroko of exactly how perceptive the captain truly is. They’ve never told anyone about their relationship, but they’ve never seen the need to bring it up, certainly not to Akashi. Kuroko is relieved Akashi doesn’t prod further.

“I encourage everyone to do their best in their respective teams, and good luck in their endeavors.”

“Is this formality, Akashi?” Aomine asks. Akashi hums.

“Perhaps.” Akashi says, “And I merely wanted to confirm something.”

“Kurokocchi and I will do our best!” Kise exclaims, ”Ne, Kurokocchi?”

Kuroko nods in agreement. No one else offers to declare the same thing nor share the same enthusiasm as them.

Kise seems to be in a bit of a hurry to leave, because he immediately places a hand on Kuroko’s shoulder without minding what the others think, urging him to leave. However, Momoi approaches them both the moment they approach the gate.

“Ki-chan, Tetsu-kun!”

They both turn to her direction. “Momoi-san,” Kuroko greets, followed by Kise who greets her with a cheerful ‘hi’.

‘Actually, I need to talk to Ki-chan alone. Ki-chan, can I spare a few minutes of your time?”

“I think Kurokocchi can hear this too, Momocchi.”

 “Nope, it has to be only you.” Momoi insists, before waving at someone behind them. “Dai-chan!”

“What?” 

“Can you keep Tetsu-kun company while I talk to Ki-chan?”

“Oi,” Aomine murmurs something closer to her before she waves it off, dismissing it. Aomine sighs, “Make it quick.”

“Thanks! Ki-chan, let’s go.” Momoi’s already tugging on Kise’s hand. Kise is a bit alarmed by the force of it.

“I didn’t exactly agree, but okay, Momocchi.”

When the two have disappeared, Aomine and Kuroko stand still in silence. At first, they don’t look at each other nor acknowledge each other, until Aomine initiates the conversation while catching Kuroko idly looking at a falling sakura petal.

“Hey, Tetsu.”

“Congratulations on graduating, Aomine-kun.” Kuroko says softly, “I didn’t think you would make it.”  

“Well, I didn’t either, but here I am.” If the toga hat tucked underneath his arm is any evidence, it’s true. “Hey, Tetsu.”

“Hm?”

”I say ‘hey, Tetsu’ a lot, don’t I?”

Kuroko does not say he finds it funny that of all days, Aomine has brought a bag to contain his diploma and toga, when in normal school days, there are times he won’t even bring a schoolbag with him. Maybe he could have said sorry for not being enough, or for not being there when it counted. Instead, the words don’t come out.

“I won’t blame you if you hate me, Tetsu.”

“I could never bring it in me to hate you, Aomine-kun.” Kuroko says, “But I wish things had taken a turn for the better.”

“You and Kise...”

“Are together, yes.” Kuroko’s tongue feels like sandpaper, “Kise-kun liked you, and in many ways, I know I can never be your replacement.”

“Who told you that?”

“Kise-kun.”

“Well, Kise’s fucking lying to you, then. He never liked me the way he liked you.”  Aomine blurts out, and when Kuroko shows surprise at this, Aomine does not look away, “You have eyes, Tetsu. Use them. Maybe then, Kise won’t have to be the way he is.”

“The way he is?”

“I’m not one to talk about relationships. I’m the last person anyone should ever talk to about relationships, but what I do know is that Kise can be a bit too much, and if you’re okay with that, then I’m happy for you, but even going to the same school as Kise? I mean...”

Aomine looks at him.

“The way you look at Kise, it isn’t the same.”

It would sound like an accusation if Kuroko hadn’t known better, but he does know better.

“Thank you for your concern, Aomine-kun, but we’re fine.”

“You won’t always be fine.”

“I know. We,” Kuroko refers to the two of them, together as shadow and light, “-weren’t always fine.”

“Kise and I are different. It’ll turn out differently.”

“You and me?” Kuroko has to ask, because there were many things that went wrong. Looking back, they had been misguided, but Kuroko is almost sure Aomine still feels the same way. It’s not easy, and he understands.

“You know I love you as a friend, Tetsu, and nothing about that has changed.”

“I’m glad.”

“Ku-ro-ko-cchi!”

Kise has come back with Momoi in tow. However, something about her demeanor has changed. It’s more subdued, and she is noticeably out of sorts. Aomine and Kuroko both pick up on this rather quickly, especially when Momoi looks up at says, “Let’s go, Dai-chan.”

When they say their goodbyes, Kise loops his arm around Kuroko’s and says they should stay at his place. Kuroko immediately protests to this.

“Kise-kun, I promised my grandmother that I’d be back home early today. I’m sorry, but I don’t think I can stay-”

“Then that’s fine!” Kise quips, “Maybe we can stay at your house instead?”

Kuroko hesitates. Whatever Kise wants to do, his grandmother will not need to know. As usual, his parents are overseas. In that sense, they can easily hide, but the truth of the matter is that Kuroko finds himself not wanting to deal with Kise for that moment in time.

But what does stop him is the way his stomach flips inside at the thought of refusing Kise absolutely anything at all. Kise does not take well to disappointment. Furthermore, there is a part of him that says he can give at least this, because he owes Kise that much.

He agrees, and on the way home, taking the same road as usual, Kuroko suddenly thinks he’s as small as he was before. Kise does not seem to be very bothered, and again, it’s just him. He starts thinking that maybe he’s too conservative for his own good.

“So that photoshoot was one I really hated, because the photographer was insufferable and always told me I wasn’t giving him what he wanted. He shut up at some point though, which was great!-”

When they reach Kuroko’s house, his grandmother is having tea on one of the couches. Kise says a loud “Sorry for the intrusion” at the door, just enough to be heard. Kuroko enters the house first and upon seeing his grandmother, pecks her on the cheek.

“I brought Kise-kun, obaa-san.”

Kuroko’s grandmother squints to take in Kise’s form. Kise bows. “It’s nice to see you again, Kurokocchi’s grandma.”

Kuroko’s grandmother does not disclose her name yet again. Instead, she turns to her grandson, asking, “You will be upstairs?”

Kuroko nods. “Do you need anything?” He asks with the usual concern.

“No, not at all.” She waves a dismissive hand, a thin smile dancing on the corners of her lips. “Don’t let me interrupt you now.”

The two of them head upstairs, where Kuroko’s room is. Kuroko, with brief hesitance, locks the door. Kise seems to have not touched the lock on purpose, and leaving the decision to Kuroko is something Kuroko is unsure of being glad about.

Kise is awfully direct when he says it, already unbuttoning his own shirt after placing down his school bag. “Strip.”

Kuroko does, his clothes leaving a pile on the floor when he’s done. With an almost fresh hunger, Kise sucks on one Kuroko's nipple, biting hard. Kuroko holds on to Kise’s shoulders and attempts to push him away.

“Kise-kun, please wait.”

Kise looks up at him with narrowed eyes, apprehensive to his request. Kise had sensed the slight quiver in his voice. “What is it?”

“Earlier... Momoi-san looked out of it after she talked to you. Did something happen?”

“You sound like you’re implying something, Kurokocchi. We just had a friendly talk, and believe it or not, she talked to me about Aominecchi. I clarified I had no interest in him at all, contrary to what she was accusing me of.”

“Momoi-san wouldn’t do that.”

“Well she did.” Kise says flatly, bitterness seeping into his voice. “And what did Aominecchi tell you?”

“He told me... he told me was sorry.”

“Don’t lie to me, Kurokocchi. I hate liars.” Kise snaps, “I can tell when you’re lying. Are you hiding something from me?”

Kuroko feels it hurt when he swallows, like something has stuck itself to his throat. Kise’s voice has lowered, and it sends warning bells ringing in Kuroko’s head. “We began on a lie, Kise-kun. You can’t seriously mean that.” _When you’re one yourself._

Kise steps back, retreating. There’s hurt in his eyes. “We can do this sometime else, Kurokocchi.”

“You know I wouldn’t hide anything from you, Kise-kun. I’ve showed you everything.”

“If you mean that, then tell me you love me. Tell me why you love me to set my mind to rest, Kurokocchi!” Kise throws up his hands in frustration, “I can’t give you all of me without trust, and I don’t even think you trust me all that much!”

Kuroko begins to feel it again, the heavy weight in his chest. He chooses to ignore it, because he understands where Kise is coming from. It is only right for him to give more pieces of himself away, when Kise himself is willing to be vulnerable in front of him.

Kuroko tells Kise he trusts him before kissing him. They’re no longer where they were starting out. Kise kisses him back heatedly, and Kuroko can feel the fear make their lips move. This is a language they have learned, and when Kise pushes the kiss deeper, Kuroko leans his head back to give Kise leeway.

Kise claws at his back, his nails leaving scratch marks on it, a milky white canvas. “I trust you.”

They scramble towards the bed with Kise on top, continuing to kiss him deeply. Kuroko’s hand travels over the sheets beside him, and he moves down to touch his cock. His mouth parts wider, and Kise takes this an invitation for more as Kuroko’s moans are muffled by Kise’s tongue in his mouth.

Kise doesn’t ask for more, and Kuroko takes this for contentment where their bodies can fill the gaps and insufficiencies of the half-full glass. Perhaps Kuroko should have enjoyed the blissful illusion of that summer before high school, should have treasured it before everything went spiralling down.             

* * *

 

Kuroko’s parents had a more visible presence during his high school days, as they felt the need to be suspicious of their son’s sudden change in actions for choosing a school all the way in Kanagawa. Kaijou proves itself to be a school for the higher end of the middle-tier, but it is known for its baseball team powerhouse and its grand school events.

The extracurricular life is diverse, and the moment they walk into the school gates, there are people advertising their clubs to the new freshmen. It’s like Teikou all over again, and when the club forms are submitted, Kuroko considers writing another club as his first choice until Kise asks him once more what club he’s joining, as if to make sure. Kuroko kisses his chance at being in the library committee goodbye.

As it turns out, Kise secures his spot with the regulars very fast. Kasamatsu Yukio, the captain of the team, grudgingly admits that even if Kise has a streak of arrogance, his skills are the real deal.

Kuroko, on the other hand, barely even passed the physical exam requirement. He is content like this, however, and doing dribble drills inconspicuously is something he doesn’t mind doing, even as the Inter-High is just along the corner. Kaijou does not need a passing specialist, but an all-rounder. 

“I’m not playing if Kurokocchi is benched.” Kise tells Kasamatsu, much to the dismay of the rest of the team. Kasamatsu stands firmly in his place as Kise continues, “It’s a simple request, really. The one practice match with Kurokocchi is enough to prove that it’s useful in widening the gap. I don’t see why you’re refusing to something you’ll benefit from, Kasamatsu- _senpai_.”

Kasamatsu does not seem pleased with this. “Don’t talk down on me, Kise. You are aware that people here work hard for their spot. I’m not saying that Kuroko doesn’t work hard, but it’s not the way things work around here. If you can’t deal, then we don’t need your help.”

When Kise smiles, it’s razor sharp, like it’s meant to cut. “Are you sure? I’d like to hear you say that when you lose against the first school we encounter in the league with a Generation of Miracles member in it.”

Kobori steps in, quick to defend. “Kaijou isn’t that weak of a school.”

Kise feels a hand grip his side. “Kise-kun, you don’t have to do this. Kasamatsu-senpai is right-“

“No, actually, it’s reasonable enough,” Kise says eventually, bending down and placing his hand above a static basketball. He fast-dribbles it, gripping it with his hand and twirling it in his finger. “The senpais are mostly third-years. They’re right, we should respect their decision.”

He looks at Kuroko, the smile softening. “We’ll see how it plays out.”

True enough, Kaijou is by no means a bad school. Kise knows how much it means to the third years, their last chance at winning both the Inter-High and the Winter Cup. Despite a wavering gap, they manage to hold their ground against Shuutoku, as Takao and Kasamatsu happen to share a position and it’s an even match where another team’s point guard may have suffered in astounding proportions. However, the same cannot be said for when they face off Yosen, and it is then that in the third quarter, pride can no longer stand and they call Kise and Kuroko in.

It’s a narrow victory for Kaijou, but a victory nonetheless.

* * *

 

Aomine is a powerhouse, but so is Touou High.

Both Touou and Kaijou strongly offensive teams, but Touou values individual skill considerably, whereas Kasamatsu’s trying to salvage the team’s morale. Kise himself has given it his all, and he doesn’t exactly need to ask permission from Kuroko to take Aomine on on his own. It’s an assertion of skill, of replacing Aomine’s position as Kuroko’s light.

And Kise exhausts all his skills and determination, but it grows harder to accept when Aomine has singled him out and defeated him once more. On the floor, when Kuroko holds out a hand for him to take, Kise takes it with a squeeze that makes Kuroko wince in pain.   

“We’re not finished here, Kurokocchi.”

Kuroko does not disagree, but he knows it’s a warning. It is enough to shake him up for the rest of the game. An angry Kise is one he cannot always deal with, and if they are defeated by Aomine, Kise won’t take it well.

Kasamatsu no longer suggests to optimize Kuroko’s skills. When Kise suffers from an injury after the game, it takes all he has to not lash out in anger, the shame flooding through him.

Kuroko hesitates. He chooses not to console Kise, and when Kise asks him for a quick fuck, he does not refuse. It’s rough sex, and Kuroko can feel Kise’s frustration, his anger radiate from his every move.

“Kise-kun, you’re-“ He hisses as Kise is more brash with tying him up, “-hurting me.” When Kise still ignores him, Kuroko feels his breath become quicker. “Kise-kun, please, we can talk about this.”

“I’d gag you in public if I could,” Kise says, tying the knot with a strong pull, “There are just times you need to shut up, Kurokocchi. I don’t need your opinion, you know?”

When Kuroko says Kise’s name again, it’s a cry for help.

“Kise-kun...”

“Do you love me, Kurokocchi?”

Kuroko does everything to blink away the tears welling up in his eyes, but Kise sees them before he can. Kise grips his hair, and it is anything but playful. Kuroko cries out as Kise whispers in his ear. “Tetsu, Kuro-chin, or perhaps just Kuroko? Which one do I have to be for you to get you to love me?”

With his hands tied behind him, Kuroko finds that he can’t even try to protect himself. “Th-that’s not it-“

“Two can play this game of pretend, Kurokocchi. If you want me to be merciless, that’s exactly what I’ll be.”

And Kuroko can’t do anything, he can’t pretend anymore, so he cries openly in front of Kise, hoping his tears will do something, will reach him. Kise lets go, leaving Kuroko gasping. Kise lies back onto the bed, as if to observe his work of art with Kuroko’s back to him. He’s left marks there, more times than one.

He can’t see how Kuroko looks right now, with his back turned to him.

He speaks in a bare whisper. “Do you know what love means?”

Kise only stares for a moment before hoisting himself up, sitting directly behind Kuroko. When he embraces him from behind, he can feel Kuroko visibly stiffen.

“Fix me, Kurokocchi.”

Kuroko shakes his head. For the first time, he sounds tired. He doesn’t bother to hide the fact that he is. “I don’t think I can.” Kise shifts his hand towards Kuroko’s collarbone, feeling the hardened curves till he’s cupping Kuroko’s chin.

“Yes you can.” Kise says, untying the knots. He knows his own handiwork, remembering the gashes on Kuroko’s hands. These are hands that work hard, that have built a future for themselves, a future that Kise has taken into his own hands. “You have to.” When Kuroko bites back a sob at such words, Kise plants a kiss on his shoulder. He’s a thief, but he can give. “There’s no one else who can.”

They stay like that for a while, neither one moving. Kuroko keeps shaking his head, offering apologies, and Kise can only tell him to hush, until one last time, Kuroko tells him he loves him. 

* * *

 

_...That I began to lose sight of who I was?_

* * *

 

The Kaijou team has always suspected that there is something going on between their ace and their phantom player. There’s a temporary calm until the Winter Cup, where Kise’s thirst for victory is obvious. The Kaijou team cannot complain, but there are occasional questions to Kuroko as to why he looks tired sometimes, why his eyes are sunken and why there are hickeys peeking through his jersey.

He always tells them that everything’s fine, and if he only has a private moment, he’ll ask them to just not ask at all. Kise is as watchful as a guardian though, and Kuroko feels like he has lost the ability to even breathe.

He is thankful for the times Kise gets urgent, major modelling gigs from his agencies and offers from different brands. They are not necessarily rare occasions, but it has come to the point that whenever Kuroko closes his eyes, he can only see Kise, remember everything he’s ever touched and claimed as his own. Kuroko cannot sit comfortably in class without tucking his thighs close to each other, overwhelmed by the phantom sensation of a sudden craving.

“H-Haa...”

He tries hard to stabilize his breathing, doing everything he can to ignore the vibrator in his ass. Kise had kissed him goodbye last third period, giving him a parting present. When his phone suddenly rings in class, Kuroko apologizes with struggle as Kise bombards him with texts he will have to reply to _(or else, or else, or else_ ). Otherwise, he’ll skip basketball practice, and who knows what he’ll do to him again. 

Kaijou wins against Touou in the Winter Cup. Kise makes sure of this, and Aomine comes out of it with a defeat that will leave him sleepless for nights on end.

~~~

When they face off against Fukuda Sogo, it revives old grudges. When Kise faces Haizaki on that gym, he’s prepared.

Haizaki grins.

“It’s been a while, Kise.” He doesn’t see Kuroko first, but when he finds that there’s a fifth player missing, only to see that it’s Kuroko, Haizaki does not hesitate to smirk, showing his disbelief. “Kuroko Tetsuya, still standing strong with only one owner to pet him? I’m surprised. Kind of impressed too.”

“If you want an owner to pet you, Haizaki, then you need only say so.” Kise says flippantly, watching the tip-off happen. They tail each other, never straying far. Kise adds, “Last time we encountered each other, you couldn’t even form proper sentences.”

True to all predictions, Kaijou High wins. Kuroko is surprised, however, to find that Kise has excused himself after the game.

“I’m just going to do something.” He presses a kiss on Kuroko’s forehead in front of the Kaijou team, not bothering to see their reactions. It’s Kuroko who sees them, varying mixtures of fascination and pity.

“I’ll go after him.” He says with a bow.

Kuroko, with rightful suspicion, follows, silently trailing Kise’s steps and catching up eventually. Kise is cautious as he looks around, though he’s perfectly casual as he does it. Even Kise cannot see Kuroko unless he actively wants to or knows he’s there.

They reach the exit of the stadium, and it’s there that Kuroko finally understands why. He hides in the corner, hoping the wall could just swallow him up, when Haizaki appears.

“I knew you were following me, Haizaki.”

“Sure I was.” Haizaki says, “What you said before the match? Nasty. You’re still a nasty shit and no one even knows it.”

“Except you?” Kise laughs, “Oh, don’t get me wrong, Haizaki, I’m capable of much more, but I manage to rein it in because I’m not a complete animal. Contrary to what you think, I have my soft spots too.”

“You mean your phantom bitch? Funny story, Ryouta. He’s so fucking scared of you it’s not even funny.”

Kise’s voice drips with venom, then, but beyond it, Kuroko can see a layer beneath – he hears satisfaction. “You’re jealous that Kurokocchi’s so faithful to me? No wait, I get it. You’ve always been Nijimura-senpai’s lap dog. Do you want to be in his position? There’s no harm in being honest.”

Haizaki’s face sours up. He lunges in for a punch, before Kise grabs his arm and throws him against the wall like a doll. Locking Haizaki’s arm and pressing his body sideways, when he pulls against the arm, Haizaki howls in pain.

“Fukuda Sogo’s chance in the league is over.” Kise says, like it’s the most common knowledge in the world, “I can ruin your face right here on the gravel, and then what girl would want you?”

“I can cut you, you fucking-“

Kuroko stifles his gasp as Kise knocks Haizaki down to the ground, stepping on his back.

“I knew you always looked down on me. How does it feel?” There’s a mocking tone to his voice now. Kuroko doesn’t think he can watch, “You were planning to do something to me, but unlike you, I keep my eyes open.”

Kise takes out his phone, a glint in his eyes.

“I always knew these would come in handy.” He lets Haizaki gather his bearings, watching him cough. There’s a scratch on his cheek from the pavement, and Kuroko knows that Kise is capable of far more. This is evidenced by the way Haizaki views exactly what’s on Kise’s phone. Fear flashes in Haizaki’s eyes for the briefest moment, before he schools a mask of indifference.

“Go ahead then, they’ll eject me from their basketball club at best, and we all know how useless they are without me.”

“I have more, of course.” Kise grins, ‘Things that can result in expulsion.”

“You’re lying. From Teikou? I can say I’m a changed person. It’s just that easy.”

“Of course it is, assuming you don’t ever get to come back to Fukuda Sogo.”

“What-“

Haizaki stops. He sees how serious Kise is.

“I’m a simple person to talk to. You get your nose out of my business, and I’ll treat you civilly. I never forgot what you did to me in Teikou, but honestly? You’re still a fucking loser.”

Kuroko runs before Kise can turn the corner. A twig is crushed under his heel, but he hopes it’s not enough to get Kise’s attention. He makes it back to the Kaijou team, slightly breathless.

“Kuroko,” Moriyama greets, “Did you find him?”

Kuroko shakes his head. It’s a white lie, as he finds that Kise enters a few minutes later, as cheerful as ever. “Yaaaaa, everyone’s so glum. Did you guys miss me that much?” Kise steps towards Kuroko, joining his side. Kuroko reminds himself to act calm.

“Kurokocchi, you look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

It’s the norm by now, this mental sparring. “Where were you?” He decides to ask. Kise shrugs. He’s more or less in a better mood after venting at Haizaki. Kise laughs this off, tugging at Kuroko’s hand, urging him that they both leave first.

“I said hi to someone I know.” Kise answers, “Well, Kurokocchi and I are going ahead.”

Kuroko does not mention what happened. He finds himself more and more silent every time he and Kise are together. Kise seems to have no qualms to this when it suits him.

When Kuroko finally reaches his home and his parents ask him how the match had been, Kuroko answers that it had been fine, that it was a victory Kaijou worked hard for. It’s true that Kise’s a far better player than expected, and that his growth has been exponential. However, it’s not something Kuroko can be happy about, if not for the fact that defeats spoil Kise’s mood.

Kuroko’s parents don’t even know that basketball, to him, is now an obligation that is merely imposed. They have absolutely no idea at all, and he thinks it’s better that way. 

“Do you want to rest now?” His mother asks, and he nods, trying to keep it together. With tired footfalls, he enters his room and slumps onto the bed. Inhaling deeply, he lets his eyes drift shut and forces his mind to not linger or think about anything.

He is dismayed to find out that the next morning, he’d overslept, and that there are many messages on his phone left unanswered.

 _You aren’t coming to class today?_ **8:00 A.M.**

 _Kurokocchi, please answer._ **8:02 A.M.**

 _Kurokocchiiiiiiii, what did I do to deserve this?????_ **8:03 A.M.**

 _Are you playing the cold shoulder now?_ **8:05 A.M.**

 _It’s hard second-guessing, you know._ **8:06 A.M.**

 _I know you hate it when I second-guess._ **8:08 A.M.**

There are a few other messages in succession of similar nature. Kuroko checks the clock and finds out it’s 9:02. First period is over, and his parents have probably already gone to work. That’s why it surprises him when their doorbell rings. Getting himself together, he runs down to get it only to see his grandmother at the door. He remains on the last few steps of their stairs, making out the silhouette of the person his grandma is talking to.

Their eyes lock together. It’s Kise, who had probably seen him running down the stairs.

Kise does not stop looking at him, his frame calm and unmoving and it’s wrong, so very wrong –  “I was just checking on Kurokocchi.”

Kuroko’s grandmother is skeptical. “All the way from Kanagawa? I’m sure Tetsuya would have wanted you to concentrate on your studies instead. Isn’t that right, Tetsuya?”

Kise rushes in to answer before Kuroko can. “It wasn’t that bad, Kuroko-san! I just took two trains, really, and I’m used to doing that with the team, so even if it’s rush hour one way or another, I managed.”

“I’ll talk to Kise-kun, obaa-san.”

“Yes, why didn’t you go to school anyway?” She asks, concerned.

“I was...” Kuroko tries not to look at Kise, “I wasn’t feeling well. Match aftermath.” When he does, Kise’s expression doesn’t betray anything for him to go with. He invites Kise upstairs.

Kuroko’s already walking towards the stairs while Kise’s removing his shoes. Kise, however, catches up quickly, a certain tarry and loudness to his steps. Maybe Kuroko’s being paranoid, but he’s proven not as Kise pounces on him, nearly making him stumble forward. “Kurokocchi!” he says excitedly. Kuroko holds onto the banister, the stair creaking noticeably that it attracts his grandmother’s attention.

“Do be _careful_.” Kuroko’s grandmother stresses, looking suspiciously at the two boys. Kise disentangles from Kuroko, sending a dazzling smile in her direction. She doesn’t seem very convinced.

“I’ll bring tea upstairs, if you boys want.”

“We promise to be fast.” Kuroko adds before they disappear into the second floor. When they enter Kuroko’s room, Kise’s facade drops.

“I’m guessing you were asleep before I came here.” Kise starts. It’s a simple inference, with the way Kuroko’s hair is a frenzied mess, and he’s still wearing his uniform polo, only changing out of his shorts. The first two buttons are open. Kise licks his lower lip, smiling. “You look absolutely ready for devouring, Kurokocchi. You missed first period, you know.”

“Yes, I know I did.” Kuroko says quietly, and he knows what part has to come next. “I’m sorry for not replying to your messages, Kise-kun.”

“It’s okay.” Kise says, and he seems to mean it, “I’m going to need compensation for that hour we lost together though.”

Kuroko feels his body turn to stone. His heart nearly leaps out of his chest when Kise laughs. “Just kidding! I’m just joking, Kurokocchi. Really, you have no sense of humor. Besides, you have to get ready, or your grandmother will get suspicious.”

Kuroko does not protest, but he feels Kise’s eyes pierce through him as he changes out of his rumpled clothes. Just as he’s about to pull up his new underwear, Kise says, “Wait.”

Kuroko immediately turns to face him, seeing him pull a vibrator out of his school bag. It dangles within Kise’s hold, and Kise waves it in front of him. Kuroko is forced to beg, to bargain. “Kise-kun, please, I can’t. If we keep doing this, I won’t be able to play matches, and we’re up against Raku-“

When Kuroko has realized what he’s said, it’s already too late. Kise approaches, still with the vibrator in his hands. Kuroko sees it again, the significant change in the way his eyes look at him, like he’s a valued ware up for display behind a glass case, ripe for the taking once the walls are broken.

“Kurokocchi, I have to admit, I’m disappointed.” Kise says, “Who said I’d let you play against Rakuzan?”

Kuroko begins to resist, writhing in Kise’s arms, but Kise has a strong grip. It’s stronger than he remembers, and he thinks he should remember, with how used to Kise he actually is, but he’s wrong as Kise covers his mouth and turns the vibrator on from behind him. It makes a thrumming noise. Kuroko’s body racks with sobs, and he salivates against Kise’s fingers on his mouth when the vibrator is shoved up his butt.

“Isn’t this the merciful option to making you spread your legs for me?” Kise whispers, “Oh, you’re such a slut, Kurokocchi, taking it even though it’s only been a day. Hm?” He pulls up Kuroko’s underwear for him, and when the vibrator is stuffed properly, Kise gropes one of his buttcheeks and gives it a good squeeze. Kuroko’s face flushes, and he shakes his head, still crying.

Kise, without hesitating, slaps him. The impact results in a smacking sound and a red cheek. Kuroko cries from the haze of sadness, anger, and pleasure that have rendered him a mess. On his knees, he ignores his inner doubts and clings to Kise’s leg, hoping this will appease him as he goes on all fours, the vibrator hitting his sensitive spots. He lets his mouth loll open as if he’s expecting a treat.

Kise gets on one knee, such that they’re seeing each other eye to eye. Kise sees the emptiness in Kuroko’s eyes. For once, he can’t find it in him to enjoy this. Instead, he places his hand on Kuroko’s head and pats it.

“Wash your face.” He commands, “And keep the vibrator on.”

In some ways, it is mercy, like how Kise sometimes lets him take off the vibrator during basketball practice.

He does no such thing for their practice against Rakuzan.     

* * *

The buzzer beeps across the gym in a decisive sweep, and the ball goes through the hoop, only further widening the four-point gap.

It is a victory for Rakuzan, and Kasamatsu beckons the team to join him to line up. Kasamatsu exchanges a handshake with Akashi, who offers him a nod.

“You have a good team, Yukio.” He says, side-eyeing the other Kaijou members. Kasamatsu sighs.

“Yours is better,” He says nothing more, only telling himself that they’d worked hard. “I don’t like that first-name basis.”

Akashi only hums, and Kasamatsu swears there’s amusement in his face. The awarding will come the following day, when battle for third has been settled. Rakuzan, however, will hold the golden trophy for this Winter Cup.

Kise does not exchange a word with Kuroko, and Kuroko does not know what to make of his silence. Kaijou had not anticipated Kuroko being benched, but Akashi had made sure to be clear that whatever the means, the outcome will be the same.

Akashi, in retrospect, thinks this is a kindness he should never have done for Kise, who walks toward him with something akin to what he can only call brazenness.

“Congrats on another victory, Akashicchi.” He says mirthlessly, though the smile on his face is fixed as more of a grimace than anything. Akashi stares up at him.

“You really haven’t changed, Ryouta.”

“I wouldn’t say that... but you have. Really.”

“You don’t need to tell me that,” Akashi says, perfectly self-assured, and the look he sends Kise is one that leaves him seething. “I do look at myself from time to time.”

Kise frowns, and to others, it only seems like he’s condemning a tyrant. “And what do you feel, upon looking at yourself?”

“I tend to look at the worst of it. I suggest you do the same. It might benefit you more than you think.”

Akashi sneaks a look at Kuroko, who’s watching their interaction closely from afar. Akashi considers _himself_ as quite attentive, but maybe there are times that it simply hasn’t been enough, and this is one of those times.

* * *

 

When they’re in the locker rooms, Kuroko is surprised to hear Kise tell him that he can go home after this without any sort of conditions.

Kuroko doesn’t even begin to ask why; it’s just the way it is and he keeps himself from sighing in relief. A weight has been lifted off his shoulders. However, this all quickly vanishes when Akashi learns against the door frame of the locker room dedicated to Kaijou.

“Akashi,” Kasamatsu greets, surprised to see him. Akashi inclines his head slightly.

“I would like to borrow a bit of Ryouta and Tetsuya’s time, if it’s not too much to ask.”

The tension is palpable with how intense Akashi’s mere presence is, but the fact that he’s asked to talk to Kise and Kuroko privately reminds Kaijou of the history the three of them have shared together, one that no one else is remotely aware of. There are unsaid words in the way they look at each other. When Kasamatsu tells everyone to leave, no one protests. Once everyone has filed out, Kasamatsu does the same.

“What is it you want to talk about, Akashicchi?”

Akashi closes the door. “Tetsuya.”

Kuroko winces.

“You’re awfully quiet.”

“Yeah, Kurokocchi!” Kise exclaims, slinging an arm over his shoulder, “Aren’t you happy to see Akashicchi again? Akashicchi’s happier to see you than to see me, actually.” He laughs, and it sounds too genuine that Akashi has to keep his eyes from going skyward.

When Kuroko meets Akashi’s eyes, his gaze is perfectly neutral, a bit too neutral; almost lifeless. Akashi notices that Kise’s acting normally, and it would certainly contradict what he knows.

“Kurokocchi?” When Kise asks again, Kuroko still doesn’t speak. It’s not that he has no intention to speak, but that he seems to not know what to say. Akashi can tell because his hand at his sides, the one outside of Kise’s point of view, is shuffling nervously, flexing.

“Aw, too bad,” Kise latches himself off of Kuroko, “It seems like he’s not happy to see you after all.”

“Tetsuya, is that true?”

“Oh, he won’t answer you, and you know it.”

“Am I speaking to you, Ryouta?” Akashi snaps.

Kise’s smirk grows. “He’s not answering you because he doesn’t owe you a proper answer. How could he? I mean,” A snort escapes him, “Kurokocchi, tell Akashicchi how much you hate to see him.”

And Kise doesn’t have to do anything because Kuroko will do it anyway. It’s hard to know where to start, but Kise guides him. He can imagine phantom whispers in his ear.

“I hate seeing... Akashi-kun.” Kuroko says slowly, like he has to chew the words, mince them into smaller pieces to understand, “This is all his fault. I wish it... didn’t have... to be this way.”

“But it is, isn’t it?” Kise whispers. Kuroko does not bother to check if it’s real or not, if it’s really Kise telling him these things.

“You turned me... into... this.”

Kuroko’s gaze hasn’t strayed away from Akashi, and he feels like a mouthpiece, nothing more. Akashi sighs, as if he’s talking to a child.

“You began the process, but it was Ryouta who saw it through.”

Akashi looks at Kise, because he had promised that he would borrow both their times. “This is rather tragic, and you can take this as a warning, if you will. Tetsuya.”

Kuroko stops looking at the floor, looks at him.

“You are better than this.”    

With that, Akashi walks away permanently. Even as Kise forces him to sleep in that night, Kuroko lies on the bed unable to shake away the fact that he will disappoint Akashi one last time. In fact, he has dreamed of the road leading to this point all this time, but if what Kise says is true, he can only be a burden to anyone else.

Suddenly, his phone rings at the side table at 11 PM. Immediately, Kuroko reaches for it and picks it up. Sneaking a look at Kise, he is careful to leave the bed. Every inch of his body aches, and he finds difficulty in speaking.

“Hello?”

“Hello? Is this Kuroko-kun?”

Kuroko checks the caller ID. He cannot believe his eyes.

“Yes... it’s me. Do you need something?”

“Kuroko-kun, you have to... gods, have you heard? I’m sorry, I must be... I must be confusing you right now... this is Shige’s mother.”

For the briefest moment, the light returns to Kuroko’s eyes. “Shige-kun?”

Kise’s eyes flutter open, and he watches soundlessly as the conversation unfolds.

“ _What?_ I’ll... I’ll be there soon. Where are you?”

“I’m sure Shige will be gla-“

Before Kuroko can hear what’s next, Kise has already snatched the phone from his grasp and clicked the end call button.

“You’re not going anywhere, Kurokocchi.”

Kuroko reaches for the phone, panic swirling in his eyes. His brain screams at him. He has to go, he has to be there for Ogiwara- “Kise-kun, Ogiwara-kun is hurt. _He almost bled to death._ Please, for just once, give me this freedom to choose-“

Kise sighs, quick enough to slip the phone into his other hand. He sighs audibly. “It’s always about other people with you, Kurokocchi.”

For once, Kuroko raises his voice. He sounds distraught. “This is no laughing matter or some sick game, Kise-kun. Shige-kun came to see me play, and now he’s hurt!”

Kise notes the change in the way Kuroko addresses his former friend. “You never called me Ryouta-kun out of choice.”

“We can’t have this conversation right now, Kise-kun. Can’t you see?!-“

“Sure we can.” Kise stands over him, his shadow looming. Kuroko keeps an eye out on his phone, and reaches for it in Kise’s left hand. Kise hits his hand, already walking towards the window. When he slides it open, he throws the phone down three stories.

“Too bad, Kurokocchi.” Kise laughs, “Guess we’ll have to get you a new phone tomorrow. I do think my weekly allowance is more than enough for that.”

But it means more than that. It means that he won’t find out where Ogiwara is, he won’t be able to contact anyone else for a long time, and he’s lost his connection to his former self. Kuroko bites his lower lip in frustration, his gaze lingering at Kise before he walks to the closet, where he’d hung his only change of clothes.

“What do you think you’re doing, Kurokocchi?” 

Kuroko does not answer. His actions are practiced, quick changes of clothes, and in the blink of an eye, he’s dressed to go out in a shirt and baggy pants. His hair is dishevelled, and when Kise grips his shoulders, Kuroko looks at him tiredly.

“I’ll call and go to every hospital in Tokyo if I must.”

“Melodrama, melodrama,” Kise rolls his eyes, “He won’t die because you didn’t go see him, Kurokocchi. It’s not his dying wish or anything.”

“Let me go, Kise-kun.”

“No.”

“He’s lying on that hospital bed because of me.”

“Wha- Kurokocchi, that’s ridiculous-“ Kise pushes him back, “You’re acting weirdly.”

“Don’t.” Kise is surprised to see the anger in Kuroko’s eyes, “Don’t, because where, _where_ are you every time after a match? After talking with Akashi-kun, you told me to wait. And I did, because _I was afraid of what I would find._ Kaijou won the Winter Cup match against Touou because Aomine-kun was somehow missing until the fourth quarter, out of contact. After Touou, you disappeared. Do you think I’d ever forget the way Momoi-san looked during our middle school graduation? After Fukuda Sogo, I followed you. You threatened Haizaki-kun-“

“Because he threatened to do something to me?”

“And I’m beginning to think you deserved it.”

“Are you implying I did that to Ogiwara?”

Kise can hear the bitterness in Kuroko’s voice. “It seems to be the reasonable conclusion. Now please let me go.” Kuroko pushes with all his might, and Kise lets him see his tears. Kuroko is unsure of what he’s seeing, but his mind has one clear priority.

Kise lets Kuroko walk through the door.

Kuroko, upon leaving the room, doesn’t look back. He’s past that point of patience, and just as he is about to walk down the stairs, he is grabbed from behind, a nauseating scent wafting into his ears as a cloth covers his mouth, confounding his senses.

Everything fades into black.

When Kuroko wakes up the next morning, he opens his eyes to see Kise scattering kisses all over his neck. His body has become numb to sensation, and he lies down with the mattress sinking below him. He feels like he’s falling endlessly, and he doesn’t know how far it goes.

* * *

 

Study sessions don’t always go the way they’re meant to go. However, this time it derails in a different fashion.

Kuroko just wants to avoid having nervous breakdowns. He’s not even allowed to have one, and only ever does when he’s alone. Even that is rare.

“Come live with me when we’re college, Kurokocchi. I promise I’ll change for the better.”

Every breath he takes seems to reek of Kise, that he doesn’t know what he’ll feel without it. It catches in his throat when Kise takes out his phone and starts to play sound recordings. Kuroko feels intense shame hearing himself through the speaker, pleasurable moans that are a far cry from how he actually feels.

“Maybe your parents can listen to this at night, and wonder what went wrong.”

The word ‘no’ weighs heavy in his tongue, and the scream tears him apart from the inside, never quite making it out.

* * *

 

“Did we do something wrong?” His mother asks, concerned upon hearing that he has plans to move out. His grandmother watches with hawk-like eyes.

“I’ll come visit.” _I’ll ask him if I can._

“It’s that boy, isn’t it?” His grandmother sighs. His parents look at her, when she says, “That boy, Kise Ryouta.”

At that, his father softens. “You really love him that much, huh?”

When Kise offers to pay for their live-in expenses, it becomes more than enough to convince his parents that maybe their son is in good hands. In every angle available to them, every outlook, Kise Ryouta loves Kuroko Tetsuya.

Shouldn’t it be the same for him?

* * *

 

For a while, everything is perfect in their new home.

Kise even takes him out like he used to. They go to the amusement park and Kise attempts to prank a clown. When they have sex, Kise becomes gentler, like he’s handling something that’s been entrusted to him with the fullest faith. Maybe it’s true, his promise that he will change. After all, if there’s anything Kuroko does love – had loved – about Kise, it’s that his eyes had been full of promises.

How Kuroko wishes it were all true. Maybe then, he won’t have to be so afraid anymore.

He doesn’t need to be afraid, he then realizes. How much more can Kise surprise him if it’s just them against the rest of the world? Who will remember a shadow like him?

He laughs at the irony of it all, laughing at how much of a fool he truly is. Fools, they both are. Truly.

Truly.

Perfect.

* * *

 

_... meeting you was like a dream._

* * *

Kuroko stuffs the popsicles and his own mocha-flavoured drink into the freezer before heading to their shared closet. Conspicuous against Kise’s extensive wardrobe is Kuroko’s Teikou jersey. He doesn’t know where Kise keeps his, but Kise had advised, had asked Kuroko to keep it in a place where both of them can see. It’s a stark reminder with a slightly faded school name. It’s been washed multiple times too. Kise likes it when he wears it.

He strips out of the clothes he’s wearing, leaving Kise’s checkered shirt on the bed. He wears only the Teikou jersey, which is small enough such that it barely covers his chest in full.

Teikou is where it all began. It would have been appropriate if it had ended there, Kuroko thinks, and there’s poignancy in thinking that maybe it’s a sign that Kise wants to go back to those days when everything had been so simple.

Kuroko braces himself, walking into the bathroom. Kise is waiting inside the shower, already fully naked. He holds up a blindfold, gesturing for Kuroko to turn around. Soon, the blindfold obscures his eyes, and is fastened from the back.

Kuroko hears the shower being turned on, and he begins to feel hot water running down his head. He shivers underneath his jersey, feeling Kise touch his limp cock. A blush creeps into his cheeks as Kise stops touching, but his knees buckle and he wants more, conveying this in the form of a moan.

“Were you this hard for that man at the convenience store earlier too?”

Kuroko feels Kise’s nails dig into his arm. He cries out, some shower water getting into his mouth as Kise lets his hands explore the entirety of Kuroko’s wet chest beneath the jersey. He shuts Kuroko up by kissing him roughly.

“Mmf-! Mm-mnf!”

“Bet he can make you feel this good too, Kurokocchi.”

Kise jerks his hips, and the movements goes faster. Kuroko doesn’t fight it. He lets Kise drive him against the wall and stick his dick into his butt, his back sliding against the wall. Kuroko’s tongue licks Kise’s lower lip, “So good,” He says in between desperate breaths, “Make me good to you, Kise-kun.”

The water turns Kuroko’s skin around his shoulders into a light pink, and there’s a slight flush to his cheeks that Kise enjoys. He breaks away, stuffing three fingers at once into Kuroko’s mouth. Kuroko gasps into them, and Kise smiles, watching silently as Kuroko sucks while taking his dick up and down. Kise thrusts harder, making it harder for Kuroko to not completely let the fingers into his mouth. He feels like he’ll choke, but he tries harder, and Kise likes that, because Kuroko’s so obedient to him like that.

Kise grabs something from the side ledge in the shower cubicle. Kuroko hears a faint humming sound until he feels it against his ass alongside Kise’s dick. The vibrator thrusts up, and with Kise’s fingers in his mouth, the scream cannot rip out from his throat. Instead, he keeps making different sounds that indicate his pleasure. Kise pulls out his fingers, and Kuroko knows it’s to ask a question. The curve of the vibrator clings to Kuroko’s butt.

“Doesn’t it feel good, Kurokocchi? I make you feel so good. You want two dicks in your tight little hole, don’t you? Oh, you’re such a cockslut, Kurokocchi.”

“I’m such a cockslut, Kis-” Kise pops his fingers in again, cutting off what Kuroko is about to say.

“Ryou-ta.” Kise enunciates, and he thinks that he wishes things always came this easy. Kuroko’s so obedient and even he doesn’t know what to do, how to make this more exciting for the both of them even as Kuroko’s body racks with pleasure beneath him. Kuroko’s tongue moves beneath and above his fingers, muffled but unmistakable; it’s his name.

He pulls again, a string of saliva between his fingers that clings to Kuroko’s tongue. “Tell me I’m enough to satisfy you, Kurokocchi.”

“Oh, yes, Kise-kun, please fuck me really, really hard. Y-Yes!” When Kise yanks the vibrator out slowly, torturously slow, Kuroko lets out a whining noise as their bodies slide against each other, and Kuroko feels his own dick accumulate heat all the way to the pit of his stomach. _“Ryouta-kun!”_ He cries, clinging to Kise’s chest as the vibrator goes up again.

They continue in that position as Kise consistently thrusts, finding his usual reserve of strength until Kuroko’s breath becomes ragged and he says it hurts. He feels Kise’s dick pound inside him. Kuroko cannot take it in anymore, as he releases, splattering all over Kise’s chest. With hot breath, Kise licks Kuroko’s ear, teasing. They grunt together, with Kuroko gritting his teeth to keep himself from screaming.

“I’m not coming out, Kurokocchi.”

“Please, please, I don’t think I can take it anymore. H-Haaa- ah! Nnn-“ Kise grips Kuroko’s buttcheeks to experimentally thrust stronger. Kuroko throws back his head.

“Oh- oh, yes, please-“ Kuroko’s judgment has confounded, and Kise continues to pleasure him. Kise thrashes his head back, ecstatic as they’re forming a rhythm of their own that’s been established well enough.

When Kise pulls out later and Kuroko looks completely drained, the vibrator is still in Kuroko’s ass (because Kise wants it there, so he can’t remove it). Kuroko slides against the corner of the shower cubicle and curling up, possibly to rest himself. He covers his mouth with his hand. Kise throws a clean towel his way. It lands squarely on top of Kuroko’s head. They both know what it’s for.

Kise steps out of the glass cubicle, wiping himself clean down to his toes. When he’s dry enough, he grabs his pair of shorts and wears them. Exiting the bathroom shirtless, he heads to the fridge and rips the wrapper of an orange-flavoured popsicle open, impatient. Red and yellow make orange, he thinks, as he takes his first bite of it and lets the sweet citrus flavour melt in his mouth.      

He can forget. After all, it’s becoming easier to forgive himself as it is. He can go farther. After all, he and Kuroko have always been meant to see how far the other can go.   

**Author's Note:**

> My best friend told me Akashi is such a useless boyfriend in canon and a useless character in the fic, but then my akakuro warrior self told her that _akashi_ in canon went to Kyoto all the way to go greet kuroko a happy bday AND made sure murasakibara came. Ever since this fic was made though? Yeah, we jokingly call hehf akashi the most useless akashi in existence because it's true. Kagami was a better choice, but he's off somewhere drinking his coke and orange juice.
> 
> Also seeing the recent kikuro fics published being so well-written makes me feel bad for even publishing this fic in the first place, but there are future opportunities for better kikuro portrayals.  
> Thank you for reading!


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